Agony Aunt – Forlorn Freda has lost her mojo post-partum
I feel so shallow writing this. I wish it wasn’t a problem I had but it is and I’d love some yogic wisdom on it. I am the lucky mother of a gorgeous two year old girl, have an awesome husband, I’m back at work full time and my little lady is thriving at daycare. Life is good. But here’s the thing, I’m almost embarrassed to say that I’m still not back to my pre-pregnancy weight and shape. I exercise and eat well and sometimes just become resigned to the fact that my body is the way it is now. But we are shortly due to go on an island holiday with a group of good friends, in this group are two divine goddesses who are mothers, both totally glam and both thin and fit. I’m starting to dread the holiday and am already coming up with excuses to not get into my bikini for the week. Help me snap out of this!
Yours, No Mojo
Dear No Mojo
Firstly, stop beating yourself up and battering yourself all around the houses. Within your short letter you give yourself an incredibly hard time, not only for the question at hand about your glamazon buddies but for feeling guilty about the way you feel as well as not bouncing back to full on hottie mctottie post-partum.
Yoga teaches us first and foremost to love the self.
It’s not that easy though is it? I’ve been pondering this very issue over the past week or so. Will my body ever look like it did pre-pregnancy? Will I ever have the strength and flexibility I had before Frank popped out of my hoo-ha? Have my hip bones actually moved to become this wide or do I just have double love handles from too many maltesers?
These are important questions. To me.
So firstly, it’s not shallow to feel this way. It’s human. I know yoga tells us that we should unattach from the physical self as the true self lies within. I know this. I believe this. But we are human beings, living human lives and when we feel good about ourselves we shine. When we feel blobby or unattractive, our shine is dulled.
It would be easy for me to tell you to love yourself, forget about how you look as its unimportant and remember your self-worth but you wouldn’t listen to me would you?
Here’s my nugget of wisdom for what its worth. Some women are natural mothers, others struggle. Some women have orgasmic birth experiences, others go to hell and back. Some women are a size 6 with a flat tummy when they are wheeled out of the birthing suite, others are not. Every experience we have in this life is unique to us and makes us who we are.
You and I, my dear No Mojo, have not bounced back to our previously skinny-butt selfs and like me it sounds as if you are working hard to become fit and healthy. Keep that up, I know it makes me feel better when I eat well and exercise.
But wallowing in despair about bikini season is doomed and will only bring on a massive case of the blues. So whilst you are working hard on becoming fit and healthy how do you walk out of that villa feeling confident beside your super-model buddies?
First remember they are human. What you see when you look at them is not what they see when they look in the mirror. We all have our internal battles.
Then remember what it is that you love about yourself. For me its this. I may have wide hips but man can I rock an arm balance. I am strong and I like being strong. I like to laugh and smile and I believe this makes any woman more attractive. I have a great bikini that I like wearing. I’ve had a baby, my body is a body of a mother who has birthed and I’m proud of that.
I’ve also recently gone through a process to ‘find my word for 2015’, look up Susannah Conway and her free 5 day find your word process. It is very yogic and includes yoga nidra, making mandalas, meditation and journalling. I highly recommend doing it and seeing what comes up for you. My word for 2015 is ‘Glow’.
My intention is to find my inner glow, to shine brightly even when the skies are stormy, to do things that light me up, to remember what I love about being me and my life and to continue to live a healthy and happy life.
You can steal my word if you like, No Mojo, but I think you’ll find your own perfect one for 2015 that will remind you how amazing you are each day.
You rock Mama. In or out of a bikini. Of this I am sure.